Beyond fear
Many think war sounds like explosions, alarms, or machine gun fire. We will add that it has the melody of a phone call, a YouTube news channel intro, and even silence. The hero of this article is Bozhena. She is a girl who lost her dearest person in the war. And with him, the opportunity to repeat the most important words was also gone.
Please introduce yourself to our readers. Who are you, what are your hobbies, how do you spend your free time?
My name is Bozhena, I'm 17. Now I am a 1-year student of the Faculty of KPI — IASA. I live, as I dreamed, in Kyiv with my friends. I study, read, walk, and cook. Everything would seem perfect, but the relative safety cost me a lot.
How and why did you become an IASA student?
It was my dad’s dream for me to study at a leading university in Ukraine. Therefore, I have been preparing to enter KPI since childhood. At 15, I went to the Lyceum of Physics and Mathematics to pass the exams perfectly. My class teacher recommended IASA. I successfully passed the graduating tests and got here.
Tell us about your childhood. What are the most vivid memories of your dad?
I am one of those few children who always answered «mum or dad?» with «dad». Not everybody has such a caring, loving and kind father. Despite the difficulties at the time, he did everything he could to ensure I had a secure childhood. Not only financially, but also psychologically. My best memory is probably our trip to the largest water park in Ukraine. We always went by car to the forest, pond, and apiary. Unlike him, I had a happy childhood.
What was your father's childhood like?
My dad was born in the Far East on May 23, 1976, in Svobodny, 8500 kilometres away. He was the eldest of six children in a classic Soviet family. Everyone lived in a small, dark flat. He was raised by his grandmother, who gave him the last money. My dad didn't talk about his childhood, these are the most unpleasant memories. The conditions were terrible. There was not always something to eat. He was responsible for everything as the oldest brother. Even dreaming about a holiday in another city seemed surreal.
What is Zelenyi Klyn, and how did your father's family get there?
Zelenyi Klyn is the historical name for the southern part of the Far East. It was formed as a result of the gradual emigration of many Ukrainians. My father's family was forcibly deported there during the repressions. Several generations of my ancestors had to start all over again. My father always recalled this with anger. In fact, they took everything and replaced it with nothing.
Zelenyi Klyn is a land located in the south of the Far East. It got its name due to the nature and geographical location, which resembled a wedge. In 1925-1928, the commission of the Ukrainian SSR, Belarusian SSR, and RSFSR decided to deport hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians from the lands to the Green, Pink, and Gray Klyn. The goal was to destroy the resistance to the Soviet government. However, in the new places, people united into communities, established schools, named their settlements after Ukrainian cities, and preserved traditions.
During a full-scale war, Ukrainians from the temporarily occupied territories are sent to remote regions of the russian federation. Just like a hundred years ago, the politicians of the aggressor country are trying to assimilate Ukrainians into their culture.
What was your father's youth like, and how did he return to his historical homeland?
My father moved to Crimea when he was about 20 years old. There he met my mother, a student from Orativ. I often heard stories about their dates on the promenade. Dad promised to take us to the Ukrainian Crimea. But he will never be able to do it now.
Tell us about the period of your father's life in Crimea. What was special about that time for him?
He proudly said he was happy he «had spent the youth in the Crimea». Unfortunately, my generation underestimates this little piece of the map. Young people are used to Ukraine without it. According to my dad's stories, Crimea is a paradise on Earth, just like the rest of Ukraine. It had everything we lack now: sea, mountains, climate, food, entertainment.
The occupation and annexation of Crimea is the violent seizure by the armed forces of the russian federation in 2014. It continues to this day, with gross violations of Ukrainian and international law, human freedoms.
This is not the first time that russians have spoiled life on the peninsula. In 1944, the Crimean Tatars were deported from their native lands to remote regions of the Soviet Union. In 1954, Crimea joined the Ukrainian SSR. It was deserted and utterly different from what it had been before 1944.
In 2010, Ukraine and Russia signed the «Kharkiv Pact». According to this document, the russian Black Sea Fleet continued to be stationed in Crimea. This became a ticking time bomb. In February 2014, the russians crossed the state border in the Kerch Strait. They simulated massive discontent among Simferopol residents with the «Kyiv authorities». However, a powerful rally of pro-Ukrainian forces, including Crimean Tatars, spoiled the invaders' plans to pass off the occupation. That was an expression of the will of the peninsula's residents. Then, russian troops seized the buildings of the Council of Ministers and the Supreme Council of the Autonomous Republic of Crimea, and the deputies of the latter «approved» «referendum» on March 16. It was held with a large amount of armed russian soldiers.
Where did your family move to after the Crimea? What changes took place at that time?
After the wedding, my dad got a job in Kyiv, and my mum looked after me. We moved to the Vinnytsia region to my mum's parents. It was hard: we had to save up for a place to live, and all our efforts were invested in my education. My dad worked 24/7, often until his hands bled.
Tell us about your father's hobbies.
I have always been amazed at his ability to wake up every morning and work until late at night. He was a professional carpenter, so his job was physical. He always wanted to do his best. Now I notice that this trait is developing in me. My father was engaged in an apiary, producing dozens of litres of wine every season. He adored his family and home, knowing that not everyone can have this.
You were still a child, when the Maidan and, later, the occupation of Ukrainian territories took place. But perhaps you can tell us about your memories, thoughts, and your family's reaction to those events.
My parents always raised me with a strong sense of patriotism. I was 6 years old then, but I already realised how bad things were and how they affected my everyday life. In the evenings, my father made me listen to all the news, which usually ended with me crying. Now my sister is being raised similarly, but by me. At the age of 5, the war took away her father. That had a terrible impact on her psychological state. She is very conscious of her age and understands it was necessary.
In 2004, Ukraine had already experienced large-scale protests against the results of falsified elections. These events were called the Orange Revolution. 11 years ago, the government suspended preparations for the signing of the Association Agreement between Ukraine and the European Union. It led to several hundred people taking to the capital's Independence Square on the evening of November 21, 2013. From the very beginning, Euromaidan was peaceful. In particular, this is due to the participation of students and youth demanding democratic reforms. However, on the night of November 30, security forces brutally dispersed activists. These actions only spurred more protests and escalated the conflict, which became known as the Revolution of Dignity.
The events reached their culmination in February 2014. The security forces massively fired on protesters. The revolution ended with a change in the country's political course. The government was changed and President Viktor Yanukovych escaped. Euromaidan became a symbol of the Ukrainians' struggle for democratic values and independence from external influence.
Tell us about your father's participation in the Maidan.
In 2004 and 2014, he was on the Maidan, as was my family. We are convinced that every family should start with themselves and make their contribution. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to talk to him consciously: I was 15 when he died. It is very difficult for my mother to recall the past, so I don't bother her either.
What was your life like after these events and before the full-scale invasion?
My parents continued to work, and later my sister was born. My dad came home from Kyiv more often and for more extended periods. We planned to move in with him and live together in Kyiv, but February 24, 2022 changed everything.
How did your February 24, 2022, go?
I was prepared that there would be an escalation of the war, so I just waited. My mum woke me up in the morning as soon as she found out. I called my dad: he was working as usual in Kyiv and didn't suspect anything.
On February 24, 2022, a new stage of the war began — an invasion that everyone worldwide heard about. The russians invaded Ukraine from the north, trying to reach the capital. They tried to block the access to the Black Sea from the south. And in the east, their troops wanted to expand previously captured territories. The battles near Kyiv were particularly loud in Bucha, Irpin, Hostomel, and Vorzel. In the south of the country, russians occupied the city of Kherson, the administrative centre of Kherson region. In the southeast they fought for Mariupol. The terrorists' plan to seize Ukraine quickly failed, and «Kyiv in Three Days» has been going on for 3 years now. New crimes are committed and the battle map changes every day.
Kherson is now liberated, the russians are long gone from the outskirts of Kyiv, and the most violent part of the frontline is near Pokrovsk in Donetsk Oblast, where the enemy is trying to push deeper into the country at all costs. What remains unchanged are the rocket attacks. The occupants do not hesitate to leave Ukrainians without electricity by shelling the power infrastructure. Every day we hear about new attacks on civilian homes. Аttacks on the cathedral in the capital and on the area near the government quarter on New Year's Eve are the drops in the ocean of russian crimes. It also includes killing dozens of adults and kids right on the streets or children's playgrounds in Sumy, Kryvyi Rih, Zaporizhzhia and other Ukrainian cities.
How has the full-scale invasion affected your family?
Since the beginning of the invasion, we have sheltered a family from the East of Ukraine in our home. We tried to help them as much as we could. Even my grandfather, who was 63 then, went to the military registration and enlistment office several times to register.
Tell us about how your father joined the Armed Forces. What was his experience there? What was your family's reaction and what were your feelings?
He had planned to join the Armed Forces in 2022, as he felt responsible because of his partial ancestry, but his small children stopped him.
After receiving his call-up, he was already at training a week later and on the front line a month later. I had a bad feeling, but I knew it was better not to interfere. My mum did not like it, she did not even talk about it.
How did you communicate with your father while he was at the front?
Over time, I became aware of the situation, so I tried to say everything as if it were the last time, which probably helps me now.
The last words I said to him were «I love you». Two weeks earlier, he called and asked: «You realise that I might not come back, right?» I still regret that I answered «Yes» after 5 seconds of silence.
How did you find out about your father's death?
On April 17, 2023, the greatest fear of my life came true. My father was killed during a combat mission in the village of Bohdanivka, Donetsk region, on Easter night. His head injury was incompatible with life. We learned about it from a military friend whom my father had asked to inform us in case of his death. My mum got the call, I woke up to her screams and immediately realised what had happened. All the horror and shock were like in movies. I ran to my little sister. She said she understood everything: «I know I will never see my dad again».
We don't know the details; everything has been veiled. My mum tried to find out more, but the versions are different. He was a sniper, maybe he just didn't have time to run away.
My family searched for the body on our own. The funeral was on May 12, almost a month later.
What difficulties did you face after the loss?
The worst is, of course, the absence of my father and of a man in our family. It's the hardest for my mother: they always supported each other. The first year was very difficult for her. It feels like she still refuses to accept reality.
How did your father influence your outlook?
Over the past year, I have realised that I would not be the same without his death. He shaped my political views and national consciousness, which naturally develop over the years. My main goal in life is to make sure my father's death isn’t in vain. My father laid the foundation, and my task is to continue his work.
What do you think is the most important thing your father passed on to you and your family?
The ability to achieve your goals and bring your ideas to life with your own hands. He never relied on others, never expected help, and never waited around. All that is left of him is me, my sister and his carpentry. But that's enough.
What helps you cope with loss?
Probably time. Years go by: you learn to live without him, on your own, without looking for support from others, relying on yourself. The pain is artificially muted, but it does not subside. It is probably the most difficult for my mother. Dad was everything to her.
How does your family keep your father's memory alive now?
For the first year after the loss, we just learned to live with it, did not fully believe it. The funeral was with a closed coffin. So it was complicated to realise that it was him. Memories of my dad and other fallen defenders from our town are kept locally here and in Vinnytsia region. In fact, every family tries to tell their story through different resources, especially social media.
However, it is understandable that people forget not only names but also the number of them over time. We should understand that every life lost is someone's unfinished story. They knew what they were doing and what they were sacrificing. Thousands of bodies still remain nameless. They will probably never be properly buried. Therefore, we must both count and remember the names.
I really hope that my relatives will be able to carry on the memory of my father. Personally, I will try to do so.
How has the war changed your view of the world?
Since childhood, I have been interested in history. It turned into a passion for political science in my teenage years. From its point of view, war is a canonical event. Sooner or later, it will come again, but you never know if it will reach your family. No matter how many movies or books there are with similar storylines, you always think you will be spared.
So I was calm from the very beginning. But after my father's death, I, as his continuation, became responsible too. That's why I chose a technical field of study: anticipating future benefit to the state. War is a system, an ingrained rule of nature, a game. We just haven't learned how to play it.
What would you like to say to the readers in the end?
Many people find it challenging to understand loss: some were raised without a father or with a stepfather, others simply have a bad relationship with him. People are used to death and think that sympathy is enough.
My dad could also donate or volunteer. He wanted to see his children grow up. He had the right to live. But knowing him, I'm not surprised that he chose the front — a place where history is written here and now, where you don't have to wait, where everything depends on you.
Since childhood, my dad had fostered a core political vision in me. He always said that Ukraine is a paradise. And he paid for this paradise with his life.
Now the best citizens of our country are dying. But we are their continuation. Their death is our incentive. Their idea is our idea. And we must make the thousands of lives lost worthwhile. And to do this, everyone must start with themselves. We must realise that there is strength in unity. There is no other way. We should have learned from our mistakes by now, but we are still making them. I believe that with the right approach we will overcome everything. And nothing will lead us astray.
Bozhena is one of thousands of young Ukrainians. This is an unusual generation: they have little memory of life in Ukraine before the war. Their early adolescence fell during the pandemic crisis. Instead of American TV shows about cool girls and bad boys, their high school is more like a war drama in which no one wants to be the main character. They may look like ordinary young people, act like ordinary young people, live like ordinary young people. But behind these simple young faces are serious stories, and we want the world to hear about them.
Remember that you can always support the Ukrainian army with a donation
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- Fundraising for an iron monster for the 3rd Separate Assault Brigade.